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Just when you thought you saw it all... F**MyLife!

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Today, I found out I am pregnant. My fiancé called off our engagement yesterday. Surprise! FML

Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by "spilling" hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML

Today, my parents and I decided to finally rent Avatar. Throughout the whole movie, my dad took it upon himself to talk. Annoyed, I asked him to shut up because this was a movie I really wanted to see. Instead, he patted my head and started teasing me about being so sensitive. Im twenty and Im still being treated like Im five. FML

Today, I broke my nose while in a porta-potty. It wasnt my fault though; my friends outside tipped it over as a joke. FML

Today, my father asked me to explain to him what a womans orgasm feels like because he "likes to learn new things every day." FML

Today, I returned home from a very short trip. My boyfriend promised to take care of my dog while I was gone. When I got inside, I found poop and pee all over my bed, couch, and my Italian leather lounge, leaving me nowhere to sleep and a huge mess to clean up. At least my dog is still alive. FML

Today, my uncle passed away, leaving me an inheritance of $800, and his forty-seven cats. FML

Today, my husband told me "The only reason I stay with you is because its cheaper than paying child support." FML

Today, I was talking to my mom. She told me that if she could do over her life, she wouldnt have children, she would only have dogs. FML

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldnt go down on me as he didnt like the hair. Now he wont sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

Today, my girlfriend and I went on vacation. We flew 2000 miles, got off the plane, got our bags and stood outside the airport for our ride. She looks at me and says, "I cant do this anymore." So, she broke up with me and flew back home. Now Im on vacation alone. FML

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